Pregnant Again

I am now on my 26th week of gestation for baby no. 3 and I cannot be more happier.

How I Found Out

At around the end of January, I noticed that I frequently became hungry.  I do not really eat much.  I had Gestational Diabetes (GDM) since my first pregnancy and I was told as early as then that I had to watch what I eat, even after birth, as the possibility of GDM developing into full-blown Diabetes happens to about 2/3rds of GDM cases.

From that time, since I was diagnosed, I had been on one cup rice, watching my carbs and the sweets that I take in.  I love desserts and I love coffee.  So, I learned early on to compromise.  If I have craving for sweets, specially chocolates, I would sacrifice rice or any other form of sugar or carbohydrates on my meals.  I think I managed quite well as I never developed into full-blown diabetes.

So, back to my story.  As I said, I was pretty much hungry, often eating more than usual.  So, I thought I might be pregnant as this is the very first symptom that happens rather immediately after a possible conception for me.

I told myself that if I delayed in the month of February then that is it.  But, I couldn't wait.  About three days before my period I already bought pregnancy test kits but it was not conclusive.  Before spending on more test kits, I decided to wait until my first day of delay.  Again, it was inconclusive.  It was not until my third day of delay that I got conclusive results.

I immediately told my husband, although we were already expecting positive results because we had been discussing the possibility for sometime now, he was ecstatic and excited.  Of course, we were not expecting a pregnancy after 6 years of my second's son's birth.  We discussed the cost, the physical and emotional adjustments, considering that I am now in my 40s and that we had to start all over again, but in the end, nothing could dampen our excitement of having another baby, years after my bunso.

Confirming my Pregnancy

I was really insistent on being able to confirm my pregnancy.  But, in the entire month of February, I was not really feeling well.  I was on bed rest most of the time.  I had morning sickness and all other discomforts.  I felt a little better around the end of February and around March felt better enough to finally have my pregnancy confirmed by an OB.

As my OB was on travel abroad, I immediately contacted my Radiologist cousin to help me.  She accomodated me at the Rizal Medical Center where I got an informal ultrasound.  I got my confirmation.  I had a pea-sized something with a strong heartbeat.  My cousin, Dr. Elizabeth A. Regala-Gimenez, told me that she can see me again and have a trans-v ultrasound in the Metropolitan Hospital which she says is cleaner than RMC.  RMC is a government hospital.

So, after around two weeks, I had another confirmatory ultrasound in Metropolitan Hospital in Manila.  This time, she was able to conclude that the baby is healthy and viable.  She told me to see my OB immediately.

However, it was not until around April that I was able to see my OB.  Dr. Marinella Abat, at the VRPMMC in Mandaluyong.  She was able to confirm my pregnancy and conclude the health of my baby.  I was told to go through the required Lab Tests.  I had a Urinalysis, Blood Test, HIV Test, and a blood sugar test that required me to undergo a three-step process, a fasting blood sugar extraction, and two more blood extractions every hour after taking a sugary drink.  This was to confirm if I had GDM again.  I also took an A1C test to see if I had high glucose levels even before my pregnancy since I never came back to my Diabetologist after my first post-natal visit in 2011.

As expected, I had GDM again.  But, at least I learned that my baby is healthy.

My Anxieties

After learning that I might be pregnant, my first concern was my age.  At 41, I thought, I am not of healthy child-bearing age anymore.  Mine is classified as a high-risk pregnancy already, much more than when I had my sons.  I had Nico at 32 and Rocky at 34.  I was afraid that I might not be physically fit and prepared to carry the baby full-term.

With this anxiety came fears of having hypertension and a more difficult GDM situation.  And my first month of conception already showed me that this is going to be a different kind of pregnancy, one I cannot just be relaxed about.

I also thought about having to lie-low for 2 years, which means that I cannot travel for more than three days at a time while taking care of a baby, which I will be breastfeeding.  I had to make arrangements for this as I am active in a lot of professional and civic organizations.

I also thought about the adjustments I had to make again.  Most of our old baby stuff has been given out to friends.  I had to start again.  The sleepless nights.  The diapers.  Buying stage 2 formula milk.  But then again, my husband and I are a pretty good team.  If we were able to do it twice in the past, there is not reason that we can handle this this time around.

At the end of all this crazy worries, the joy of having a new comer is truly invaluable.  Nothing can replace the happiness that our family feels.  Rocky is truly excited, even talking to my tummy telling her to already come out.  It is a happy experience and I am glad she is coming at this time when we all truly need a reason to be joyful about life.

Going Along Well

My pregnancy is pretty much normal.  Aside from taking insulin for my GDM, which I have gotten used to in my past two pregnancies, everything is going great.  Right now, we are choosing hospitals.  I gave birth at the Medical City for my first two pregnancies.  I am looking at St. Lukes Global City for this new one.  But, really, we have not decided yet because it is too far from our residence in Quezon City.

We are also preparing for the new comer by transforming our home office into a nursery.  So far, we learned that we are having a baby girl and she can't share the same room with her kuyas.  She needs to have her own room.

I am scheduled to give birth in October 2017.  Follow my blog for more of my stories.

Welcome 2017!

It's the first day of the New Year.

It feels joyful to start another year.  2016 was not that good to me or to my family.  We lost two of our relatives.  Our Uncle Eddie Tibi and my Aunt Matit Alfelor-Cabanes.  Aside from a host of other heartaches, disappointments, frustrations and just a general sadness, the year that was needed extra effort for us to survive.  It was difficult.

But the year also saw several triumphs.  My sister graduated from Medical School after a long time of changing schools and other obstacles, she made it and I am so proud of her.  My cousin Dharl also passed the Nursing Licensure Exam after a lot of tries.  That was truly a victory.  After several attempts, she was able to make it.  And yes, I am proud of her too.  And of course, my son and several of his cousins are doing good in school, having been recognized several times over the year with the honors they received for academic excellence.  That was truly grand and made the year much more bearable.

I was also able to start a small food business.  It was a struggle.  It is real.  But then, I am happy that somehow I was able to muster the courage of starting it at a time of great disappointment.  Truly, every crisis is also an opportunity.

Now, this year,

I honestly do not know what this year holds for me.  Only God knows.  But, whatever it is, I know it will always be for the good.  But, this I know.  I will continue doing what worked last year.  I will also do some things better this year.  Declutter.  Put things in order.  Love more.  Thank more.  Be more mindful.  And be more courageous.  I will do things this year that I have never done before and I hope and pray that whatever it will be, with much hardwork and dedication and focus, I will succeed.

So, cheers!  It's a new year and it has nothing but hope for us all.  God bless everyone and a Happy New Year!

OF WHISTLING, CAT CALLING AND OTHER STRANGE THINGS

After the elections, in between going back to the familiar and putting things in order, I spent my time president-elect watching through the various mediums available to me. 

I did not vote for President-Elect Rodrigo Duterte.  If I did not run for office, I might have because I had been supportive of Federalism since I was in college.  But, facts are facts and I won’t be hypocritical just to be with the sixteen million plus souls who voted for him.  I did not vote for Rody Duterte.

It was of course disappointing that my president did not win.  I did not win.  But the world does not end.  You take stock.  Reflect on your learnings.  Pick up what is left after the dust settles and move on and part of that activity is president-elect watching.

I started reading about him and I admit I liked what I read.  He is unconventional but he gets the job done.  I thought, there is hope.  I guess, the 16 million is correct all along.  The country needs someone like him.

 

Then, he did an act that is so typical Filipino male.  During a press conference, he whistled, nay, catcalled a pretty GMA 7 Reporter, made snide comments that were quickly judged as sexist, and even sang to her much to the amusement of those who were present.  Amused.  Yup, that seems to be the reaction of those who witnessed it.  I say amused because most of the people there laughed. 

I should be outraged.  But, I wasn’t.

MAYBE IT’S JUST ME

Just a little background about me.

I grew up the eldest of a brood of six, four of which are males.  Our household, when we were still living with my grandparents, had more males than females, all of which had their own brand of the domineering alpha male psyche.  

The females though were strong-willed.  We had to be.  If we were not, we will disappear like wall flowers in a household that were predominantly male.  I was taught at an early age, that because I was female, I had to work doubly hard, excel in school, do very well socially, and always, always, speak my mind.

As I was growing up, I found myself being more comfortable with my male friends than with my female friends and the circles I found myself in became more predominantly male.  For a long time, I had been the only female in our Rotary Club.  My profession is also dominated by the male specie.  Even the Boards that I find myself being a member in turn out to be more men than women.

These circumstances would often lead to situations where I receive sexist remarks.  There was this one time when I was pregnant with my second son and as I was leaving the already concluded Board Meeting, a male Director commented “So, is you vagina all red and inflamed?  Isn’t it that when pigs are pregnant their vagina becomes all red and swollen?”  He said it in the Rinconada dialect which made it all the more graphic. That guy is now on his second term as a city councilor.  I just answered “What kind of question is that?”  and left the premises.  I hated him.  I already hated him before the incident, but that incident as I was leaving obliterated whatever little respect I had for him.  I pity his wife.  I actually wanted to comment back, that maybe he doesn’t know because he was only able to get his wife pregnant once.  But, that would make me no better than he is, even bringing his wife into the exchange.  Not a good reply.

That is just one of the many sexist remarks I receive.  There are so many, especially in our Rotary Club, but I forgot it already.  Such is the world that women lives in.  And the strongest of us females learn to cope.  We build ourselves strong to such an extent that such comments or actuations will not break us.  We have to be so confident in our own skins that no amount of catcalling, sexist remarks or offensive actions will destroy the self that we have built.

OF SEXIST REMARKS

Any form of sexist remark that offends is wrong at any level.  It doesn’t matter if you are a construction worker, a BPO executive or the President of the Philippines, it is wrong.  In any context, in any situation, it is wrong.

But, there are women who welcome it.  I remember a friend in Manila who told me after getting catcalls from the construction workers that “Mare, ang haba ng hair ko kanina.  Dumaan ako diyan sa may ginagawang condominium sinipulan ako ng mga laborer at may sumigaw pa hinihingi cp number ko.”  My eyes were wide open in disbelief.  Not to the fact that there were men who wanted to get her number, but to her reaction.  It is a strange world.

I learned early on that since how the world treats women is not going to change in a day, it is now up to me how I will be able to deal with such kind of men.  I ignore them.  I ignore them with such indifference.  In any situation, it is always the female that is on the losing end.

I’ll give you an example.  During the campaign, I noticed and caught a member of the campaign team staring at me on several occasions.  I just ignored it, until one incident where in the guise of warding off the mob, he touched my waist.  I was uncomfortable.  I immediately moved away from him and did so for the entire time of the campaign.

I thought about what I should do.  Do I confront him and tell him do not touch me?  Do I tell the campaign manager to deal with it?  What should I do?

I decided to just let it go.  Ignore him and evade being near him.

But why?  You may ask.

First of all, I wasn’t sure that what he was doing had any color of malice.  What if he said that he was just doing his job?  What if he said that I was the one who’s mind was malicious, that he had no such intention on his part?  Now, that would put a lot of color to my reaction.  So, I just ignored it and went on with my life.

Such is the world we live in, I say.  When I was younger, when a guy would seem to be courting me, I categorically ask him if he is courting me.  It was better that things were clear.  I did not want to engage in behavior that would seem like I am giving him a chance when clearly I was only being nice.  You know what I mean?

NOW BACK TO DUTERTE

President-Elect Duterte crying by his mother's grave where he
lamented for his mother to help him.  At the end of the day,
even the strongest call for their Mama.

Nobody is perfect.  We cannot have our cake and eat it too.

We needed a leader with balls and we got it.  But what we want comes with all his flaws that he did not keep from us anyway. 

The thing is, he is who he is.  No apologies.  No compromises. 

Now, we should not condemn just because he is flawed.  As flawed as any one of us.  Just because he gives out sexist remarks does not make him a bad president.  Cut the guy some slack, will you.  We should not take the baby out with the bath water.  We are stuck with him as much as we are stuck with this society that looks at women as second class citizens of the world.  So, I say, we women should roll with the punches and the men who were offended should do so too.

The important thing is that he has all the makings of a guy who will do the job.  We need one with balls, I say again.  One who will not shirk from making tough decisions that should be made.  One who does not think about his reputation or his popularity after all is said and done.  One, who hopefully after his term ends would leave the Philippines a better country than when he first took his oath.

NOW WHAT SHOULD WE DO

Often, I would tell myself, that nationhood is not the role of any one president alone.  It is the work of an entire country.  You, me, everyone.  We should do our part in making our world a better place than when we first came here. 

Are you kind?  Do you help your brethren in any way you can?  Do you pay your taxes?  Do you beat the red light?  Are you so impatient that you are willing to pay a little more to the government clerk so you could get the job done right away?  Do you ask for money as padulas to make government transactions easier? 

If we don’t want a corrupt nation we should have an honest citizenry.  So, are you honest?

It is easy to rant about what is wrong with this nation, but when it asks just a little from you, you are the first one to leave. 

It is sad.

As for me, I am the mother of two boys.  I am starting now.  I am bringing them up to be respectful of women at least I am assured that the world is 2 boys less sexist than when I first came here.  

I tell you, if indeed CHANGE IS COMING, it should come from US.

THANK YOU LORD!

THANK YOU LORD

A Year-End Review

As I write this blog post, my first for 2016, I am in the midst of cleaning up our bedroom and our home office.  While in the throes of throwing away old garbage and letting go of some stuff, I can’t help but feel nostalgic and a little sentimental.

2015 has been a good year, I actually found it hard to let go.  So let me give you a run-through of the year that was.

Early 2015

The year started pretty hectic.  I was looking forward to the execution of the K-12 Transition Plans of the HEIs under my care.  I had to make sure that we are able to ride the wave and be able to negotiate through the waters of K-12 and be able to cross the vast unchartered ocean to land on the other side unscathed and victorious.

However, late 2014, I was elected as a director of the Metro Naga Chamber of Commerce and Industry (MNCCI) and this led me to being appointed as the Chairperson of the Enterprise Development Training Institute (EDTI) of the MNCCI, the training arm of the Chamber and surprises of all surprises, the Chairperson of the Bicol Business Week, the annual flagship event of the MNCCI.

This development got me really busy.  I had to delegate K-12 transition execution to other persons in the HEIs concerned and fortunately, I made the right decision.  So from the start of the year until the middle of 2015 this occupied my days.

Mid 2015

June is always the busiest month for us in the education sector being the start of the school year.

On the homefront, I was moving my two kids from the old Ateneo campus on Bagumbayan to the new campus in Pacol.  Nico was going to start in the big school as a first grader and I moved Rocky to the new campus as a Nursery pupil to be with his Kuya.

Between buying school supplies and ensuring that my kids were well adjusted in the new school, I still had my work and MNCCI tasks.  Add to that my Rotary meetings, Red Cross meetings and social events that made my planner look like a coloring book instead of a serious organizing tool.

As the Bicol Business Week was drawing near and making me worried, Naga City got awarded as the Most Competitive Component City in the country.  This led to an innovative re-branding of the event as Bicol Business Month and thus a move to November from the original September date was necessary.  I begged off the chairmanship of the event.

My primary reason was that by November, members of the family who will run for public office have already filed their candidacy in October.  This means I will once again be part of the team that will ensure their success, God-willing.  I told Gilbert, the MNCCI president that I cannot possibly be able to make time for the BBM preparations and I did not want MNCCI to suffer the consequences of that.  I was glad that he understood and made the 1^st Bicol Business Month the success that it is today.

THE LIFE SHIFT

Now, as if my plate is not already overflowing, I was asked to run for Vice-Governor of the Province of Camarines Sur.  I initially said no.  We had four candidates running in our family.  I wanted to give my full support to their campaign and running as a candidate myself may seriously affect the campaign on my family members.

However, God has different plans.  And yes, I decided to run wholeheartedly because I truly felt the need for change.  With no preparations whatsoever, I agreed to be candidate for next year’s election and boy was I in for the greatest change in my life.

END OF 2015

Yes, my entire life changed when I said yes to run for a public office.  My entire personal schedule was obliterated to be replaced with a more grueling schedule of barangay visits and leaders’ meetings.  I am no longer garbed in my usual corporate attire but in blue polo shirts and jeans and I no longer have time to indulge in doing my make up in the morning.  I also do not have time anymore to check on my kid’s homework so whatever free time I have I spend with my kids.  Even my husband is complaining.

But, this is the life I chose.  At least for the time being while I try to persuade the electorate of my fitness to the position I am eyeing.  This is what should be done, marching on with the river at my back, just like what my Kuya Ted constantly reminds me.  I just have to let the people who love me understand this new normal that I have embarked on and I know with their love and understanding everything will be fine.

THANKFUL

2015 is actually a year of firsts for me.  First time to run for public office.  First time to reach a lot of places in the province which I’ve never been to before like Lupi and Cabusao.  First time to ride a helicopter.  First time to speak before multitudes of strangers who never met me.  It is tough but I am always thankful for the experience.

Not everyone is given this chance to serve, whether as a director of an organization, as a teacher, and now as a probable public servant and I will always be grateful for the opportunities given to me.  I am not always sure that I deserve the trust and confidence, but when given the opportunity I always make sure that I give it my all.

I am also thankful for all the people who made 2015 a year of success, from my UNEP Family, to my Partido College Family, to my CCDI Family and also even to TEAM CamSure Happy, to Team Arnie and to my Team Peachy Families, you all made my life so much easier letting me have time to things that matter most.  I have nothing but gratitude in my heart. 

Malayo pa ang lalakbayin natin mga kasama kaya't patuloy lang tayo sa ating gawain para sa bayan.

Not for me, but for us.

2016

As I face my 40^th year, as I am turning the big 4-0 by June, I pray for more patience and fortitude because I know that the race is long and I need the endurance to finish it.  Yes, I am afraid, but gladly, I can say that my Faith is always bigger than my Fears. 

So, I welcome 2016 with much positivity and love.  With prayers and the will of God, I know I will overcome.

Happy New Year!

MY UPCAT STORY

MY UPCAT STORY

I grew up with grand stories about U.P.  My father went to UP, Law ’60.  My grandfather went to U.P., Law ’35.  Two of my cousins went to U.P. also.  I grew up knowing in my heart of hearts that I am going to U.P. also.

I admit that my preparation to go to U.P. started when I was still in elementary.  I studied hard because I was told that grades from first year high school to third year high school forms part of the criteria for admission to the prestigious state university.

Studying high school in Miriam College was quite tough.  I was not an honors class student but I did my best to be able to have really good grades.  And in a school where everyone was making good grades it was a tad difficult.  But I was lucky. 

It was in the first month of my senior year that everyone in my class started to prepare for U.P.  My own preparations was to attend an UPCAT preparation class at the BRAINS review school in T. Morato.  I felt that my entire future depended on it so I had to make good at this chance.

Taking exams is not foreign to me.  I grew up practically taking every exam my Mom could get me to take.  Pisay. AUL Science Oriented.  And a host of other schools and scholarship exams.  So, I prepared as I always do.

When I got my UPCAT permit, I immediately did an ocular of the place where I will take the exam.  I think it was at the Malcolm Hall.  I planned the things that I would bring with me.  A pencil, an eraser, a fan, a jacket, two sandwiches, candies, and a water bottle.

I came early on that day in August.  I forgot the exact date but it was in the first weekend.  Our driver took me to U.P.  I did not want to contend with the stresses of commuting.

Then, after getting comfortable in the examination room, I calmed myself, said a prayer, submitted everything to the will of God and started the test. 

It was difficult, but not as I expected.  I think what made it really difficult was the time pressure.  But if there is one thing that I always do during exams that I still did even during the Bar, is to use the entire time allotted to the test.  If I ended early, I review my answers and did not submit the answer sheet until I was told to do so.

I went home quite pleased with myself.  I believe that I was able to give it a good shot.  I might not have aced it but I knew I gave enough correct answers to pass the test.

Now, the wait.

I was not inclined to take any other college entrance exam tests.  But, our guidance counsellor encouraged us to take the test of other schools.  I took the Ateneo College Entrance Test (ACET), but I knew I did not do very well.  I also took the DLSU entrance exam, which I literally slept through.  In La Salle, I got admitted to their LiaCom Honors Class.  I also took the Mapua Institute of Technology entrance exam and got admitted to their Computer Engineering program.  I applied in UST but was not able to take the exam because I received the U.P. results even before the exam date.

U.P. might be the first to give their college entrance test, but they were also the last to give their results.  It came after the NCEE results where I got 99+.  Not a big deal really when there were 10 of us who were 99+ in class and the entire honors class in Miriam got a 99++.  I did not even know there was a 99++ score in the NCEEs.

When I got admitted in U.P. I really felt that my future is bright.  Success was just there for the taking.  Now, it would just be up to me to botch it.  The ball is now in my court.

Now, 23 years after that exam, life may not be as what I had expected, but nevertheless my U.P. education opened doors for me that otherwise would have been shut.  Yes, I am proud to be a U.P. Alumna and I will prepare my kids to be admitted too.  I am lucky I got into the premier university, but what is luck but preparation and opportunity meeting together.  This post may be late for those who already took the exam, but for those in their senior year in high school, I hope this sharing somehow inspires you to prepare and do well.  And don’t forget that everything is easy and possible with prayers and God’s guidance.

A Story of Faith (Or the Day I Passed the Bar Exams of 2001)

A Story of Faith

(Or the Day I Passed The Bar Exams of 2001)

Every year, at about this time, thousands of Bar examinees troop to the Supreme Court to find out if their hard work had paid off.  Some go home triumphant with a dance of joy, while most go home with bad news.

In a nutshell, that is the story of life.  You work hard.  Sometimes it pays off.  Sometimes it doesn’t.  But you plod on. 

Passers seems to have God on their side, and enjoy the high that they feel.  Everybody loves them.  You receive numerous congratulatory texts.  You are at the top of the world, even if you did not top the Bar.  It is exhilarating.

Flunkers feel like the pits.  Questions of self-doubt plague your mind for days.  If you are an achiever, you question your own intelligence.  And for some, they even question God.  They think, I gave it my all, binigay ko nang lahat, kulang pa ba?

Some may tell me?  What do you know?  You did not flunk the bar.  Believe me, I know.

One of the most agonizing things in life is waiting.  This cannot be more pronounced for the Bar Examinee who after hurdling the 4 Sundays of the Bar start to go on with their lives in limbo as they wait for the release of the Bar Exam Results like cult members waiting for the second coming.  And when the news of the release comes, it makes the inner frenzy all the more unbearable.

It was in the morning of March 19, 2002, a Tuesday, when I learned that the Bar Exams will be released on that day.  A couple of weeks before that, rumors were circulating that it will be released on this day or that, but it was all just that, rumours. 

This time, it seemed true.  The Bar Exams is usually released on a Supreme Court En Banc session day which falls on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  It seemed to  be the THE DAY.  It felt like it was THE DAY.  It was also the feast of St. Joseph, the patron of Fathers.  That I will not forget.

I was then working as a legal researcher at the Law Offices of Justice Serafin Cuevas at Makati City.  We were only five legal researchers working then on the plunder cases of former Pres. Joseph Estrada.  All five of us were waiting for the results of the Bar. 

Upon arriving at my place of work, the tension was palpable.  All five of us cannot work, so to appease our tension, our supervisor, Atty. Baguio, offered that he can give us advanced notice of the results as he has a friend in the Supreme Court who can look at the list even before it is released.  But, it did not diminish our anxiety. 

All five of us decided to stick together and wait for the results that Atty. Baguio will be sending us before the actual release at eight o’clock that night.  We left the office at around five o’clock, walked from Salcedo Village to Greenbelt where we caught the six o’clock mass.

I felt so fortunate to hear mass that evening.  It calmed my nerves.  It was also the feast of St. Joseph so the homily was quite meaningful.  I prayed and submitted all my hopes to God and I was at peace.  At the end of the mass, a tribute to all fathers present was made where they were asked to come in front for the priest's blessing.  A power point presentation was presented and as I was watching, like a sign from heaven, I saw a rainbow in one of the slides.

The rainbow is a very poignant symbol for me.  Since I was young, when I felt really low and depressed, I would see a rainbow and it reminded me always of God’s promise to Noah.  For me, it meant that He is always at my side and that whatever I was feeling will always pass with a promise that I have better things in store for me.  And it was always true.

That rainbow I saw in one of the slides was like a secret message to me from God, that yes, he will grant me the desires of my heart.  I felt so sure that I will pass the Bar that night.  I was so sure that my name will be on that list.

After hearing mass, all five of us were wondering why we haven’t received any news from Atty. Baguio yet.  It was already seven o’clock and we were hungry.  So we had dinner.  The boyfriend, now husband, of one of my colleagues now joined us.  Still no news.

The television set in the restaurant where we were having our dinner already announced that the results will be released in about thirty more minutes and so we decided to go to the Supreme Court area to wait some more.  We decided not to go to the Supreme Court itself because we were afraid to be there if we failed the exams.  We decided to proceed to the Remedios Church where we will pray some more and wait some more.

However, in the taxi, on the way to the Malate area, one by one, everyone’s cellphone was giving off message alert tones except mine.  Everyone was silent on that trip to Remedios. 

Earlier that day, I gave instructions to my four colleagues that if I fail the exams, I wanted them to just let me be.  No comforting back rubs.  No “it’s okay, just take it again” talks.  I told them to just leave me alone.

When we got off at the Church, Joselito, one of our colleagues hugged me. 

“Peach, you didn’t make it.” He told me sadly.  I answered, “Ah okay, sige.  Thank you.”

I immediately flagged down the same taxi that took us to Remedios after he made a u-turn.  “Manong balik tayo sa Makati.” I told the taxi driver.

“Bakit po Ma’am?” he asked curiously.

“Hindi ako sinwerte Manong.  Uuwi na lang ako.” So I gave him directions to the condo I was staying in at that time at J.P. Rizal Ave., at the back of the old RTC Building in Makati.

I took that trip back to the condo in silence, but my brain was running at 120 kph.  I couldn’t believe I did not pass the bar.  Personally, I really felt I did well.  Besides, I saw the rainbow. 

However, I am not one to wallow in misery.  Immediately, in that taxi ride, I planned my next move.  I decided immediately to resign from the law office the next day.  I will then ask my Dad to support me in reviewing for the Bar again.  In this particular episode, I supported myself through the review with my own savings.  This time, I will humble myself and ask help from my parents.  I also decided to review at the Ateneo at Rockwell.  I felt so bad that my UP Law Center Review did not prepare me enough, and in total rebellion towards my UP upbringing, I will allow myself to be educated in a sectarian school.  My "UP and others" attitude be damned!

I didn’t have the time to be depressed during that taxi ride.  I was filled with thoughts about the next step.  But it all turned 180 degrees when I got to my condo.  The darkness of that small studio flat brought to fore the fact that I, Remelisa G. Alfelor was now a flunker, an utter disgrace to my lawyer grandfather, Felix O. Alfelor, Sr. (UP ’35) and my lawyer father Felix R. Alfelor, Jr. (UP ’60).

I never failed an exam in my life.  Never!  This was the lowest feeling ever.  I screamed my lungs out in that dark studio flat, as I preferred to suffer in the dark.  My tears flowed like a river and wouldn’t stop.  It was the pits.  I was the scum of the earth.  The lowest mammal.  Not even.  The lowest lifeform God ever created.  I was not worthy.

As I was wallowing in my sorrow, my phone started to ring.  It was low batt so I had to charge it.  Everytime it rang, the phone died down on me.  Well, all for the best.  I thought it might just be some well-meaning friend trying to comfort me and I was not in the mood to be commiserated.  I just wanted to be alone. 

But then, I decided to put the phone back on again while it was charging and I got a call from my friend Joselito. 

“Peach, you have to come here at the Supreme Court.”  He said.  Now, my tears flowed anew.

“Why should I?  I failed didn’t I.  Should I go there and watch all of you jump for joy?  It would be like taking a stone and hitting my own head.” I told him in my tears.

“No, you come here.  You passed the bar!” he said.

“What?  I don’t understand?” I answered.  He gave the phone to our other colleague Maricar who was my closest in the group.  She is a best friend in kindergarten days and the world, small as it is, brought us together again in that law office as colleagues after years of being apart.  She is also a kababayan.

“Peach, come to the Supreme Court, you passed the bar!” she said clearly now in my ear through my mobile phone.

“I passed the bar?” I asked carefully.

“Yes, you did.  No. 43 on the list.”  She answered back.

I passed the bar?  I passed the bar! Wow! I thought.

“Yes, yes, I’ll come to the Supreme Court.  Thank you.”  I put the phone down.  I immediately fixed myself but didn’t have time to change my clothes.  Still in my court clothes, I went down the condominium building and asked the guard to get a taxi for me.  In a minute a taxi came and I took that triumphant taxi ride to the Supreme Court.

It was in that ride that my Dad called me up congratulating me.  He was in Sulo Hotel with my Uncle Atty. Teddy Rigoroso.  He too congratulated me.  I was so happy.

During that trip, I prayed my thanksgiving.  I knew in my heart that I passed the Bar but I didn’t have enough faith to believe it.  With just a news from a friend, I let my heart believe something that was not at all God’s message to me.  I apologized for not believing in Him and in his will for me.

When I arrived at the Supreme Court, there were still several people milling around.  I jumped and screamed in joy when I saw my name on the list.  Like a crazy person, I was there alone in my triumph telling everyone I passed!  I passed!

I decided to go home to Fairview that night where our family home is.  I wanted to 

 share my joy with my family.  And as I laid down to sleep, I tried to process why did God do this to me.  Why did he make me feel this roller coaster of emotions?  Why did he make me feel like a failure, only to be triumphant in the end?

Then it came to me.  I had never failed in my life.  Except of course for that Criminal Law I class under Fiscal Lirag that was due to a mistake in the cases I submitted for our case digest project.  He failed me in the class because I submitted the wrong cases, so it doesn’t really count.  Besides, he changed my grade after I submitted the right cases.  I had an intellectual confidence that was veering on arrogance.  If I did not go through the experience of failing, even temporarily, I would not be able to appreciate the value of passing the Bar, and maybe would go on through life with an arrogance that might destroy me.

That night, I appreciated the experience.  I had always valued hard work and perseverance but I did not understand what it truly means until that moment in my life.  I closed my eyes to sleep that night with a renewed confidence in my faith in God, that he is always faithful in his promises, and that he will always lead me to where I should be as long as I submit to his will, as long as I have faith.

The Bar Exams is the most difficult exams one can ever decide to take.  It is not for the faint hearted and the courage to take it is actually a triumph in itself.  If one fails, it is not the end of the world.  It might feel like it, but the sun shines again. 

As the rainbow always reminds us, there is always sunshine after the rain.

Choosing Schools

Happy New Year!

It has been years since I last posted in this blog and I finally found the time and the urge to write about something today, so bear with me because this will be lengthy.

At about this time of year, thousands of students who are about to graduate high school are choosing where to go for college.  Its hard to choose, especially for those who are fortunate enough to be admitted to all the schools applied to.  

Today, I will share my own experience and how my thought process helped me find the best school for ME.  

Yes, for ME, in uppercase letters, because sometimes, some students choose the school that they feel is best for their parents or their friends but not really for them.  At the onset, I'd like to say that if you are choosing your school to please others, you just might be starting off on the wrong premise.  Not that, there is anything wrong with that.  If that is what makes you happy, then fine, you have an easy choice to make, if your choice later on doesn't work out, you have someone else to blame.  But really, choosing the school that you like will save you a lot of frustration and heartache.

Peachy Circa 1991-1992

It was the last year of my high school.  As early as June, conversations with friends and classmates would often revolve around where you are going to study in college.  It was important because that year the UPCAT was conducted in August. (I think it still is).  I think there is no question whether one has to take the UPCAT or not.  The important question for me was what degree program to take.  And if you are a well-rounded person with all sorts of interests you will have a hard time choosing because UP has the widest array of degree programs to choose from.

The good thing was, I knew where my passions lie.  I love to write.  I read a lot and after totally letting go of my dream to be a Chemist or be in the sciences, the story of which deserves another post, I had always wanted to be a novelist.  So, I wanted to study creative writing.

The thing is, when I announced my choice to my Dad, he had all sorts of opinion about it.  He said there was really no money in it.  He told me to choose something more practical.  At that time, law was never on the radar.  It was not a dream.  My Dad's opinion hurt.  He said the choice was up to me, but I know somehow I had to make my family proud of my choice, but I did not want to give up my passion.

So, after poring over the list of degree programs offered in U.P. for several nights, I finally decided on taking up Mass Comm major in Journalism.  I announced my choice to my Dad and he was quite pleased.  He said, I could be the next Che Che Lazaro.  My cousin Kuya Bobby Ky said I could be like Maria Ressa. Lolz!

At the onset, I could say that U.P. was my first choice.  Maybe, I was conditioned for it because my Dad and my grandfather and some of my aunts and uncles including a cousin went to UP.  But, i needed a fall back in case my U.P. plan doesn't fall through.  So I applied at ADMU for International Studies which was all the rage at that time.  Then, I applied at La Salle for LiaCom.  I also applied at Mapua Institute of Technology in Computer Engineering and UST in Mass Comm, to accompany my bestfriend.  

I passed U.P. Mass Comm, DLSU Lia Com, an Honors Degree, and MIT Computer Engineering.  I was not able to take the UST Exam anymore because the schedule of the exam was April when my choice had already been made.  I am not afraid to admit I failed ADMU.  My brother jokingly told me that maybe it was because we only had one car.  He made that comment because in the ADMU application form they had all sorts of questions about financial capacity like how many cars does your family own, or how much your parents make in a year.

My choice was between DLSU and U.P.  I actually had a hard time choosing because LiaCom was a great degree for me.  I can major in communications in Liberal Arts and Business Management for the Commerce Degree.  I finish actually two degrees in just a little over 4 years.  I would make myself and my family happy.  

But, DLSU was an hour's commute from our house on a good day.  I live in Fairview, Quezon City.  I was also afraid of commuting to the Manila area.  I grew up practically in Katipunan Ave., having studied high school in Miriam College.  DLSU was also trimestral.  School breaks were short and that meant no long summer vacations in Iriga for me for several years.  The sacrifice I had to make to finish 2 degrees in five years.  There was a big adjustment to make.  Finally, the clincher was the tuition fee.  DLSU at that time charged around P7,000+ per trimester. (Yes, I know, that was ages ago.). That's P21,000+ per school year.  

U.P. on the other hand was just in the 15-30 minute range away from our house.  Yep, it was 2 rides away, but, at least I was not worried too much about holdap and the lines in the jeepneys were orderly.  I was familiar with my surroundings in U.P. Diliman and I felt safe walking around.  I also loved the idea of being able to have long breaks to see my family in the province.  And they have no classes on Wednesdays to give time to students to do research.  That was important to me because even at that time I felt that giving students space to learn on their own is more important than absorbing theories in classrooms.  

At that time also I wanted to learn about the world without the preconceived norms of a sectarian school.  I have nothing against sectarian schools.  In fact, I came from Miriam which is strongly Roman Catholic.  My son is studying in a catholic school.  But, at that time, I felt that my faith should be tested against the realities of the world.  I wanted to learn about the world without the filters of religion.  Yes, I was that deep even as a 16 year old college freshman.  I knew only U.P. can give me that kind of education.

So, I finally chose U.P. Diliman.  

My Tips To You

Having laid down a lengthy history of how I ended up in U.P. let me summarize to you just some pointers to help you choose your college.

1.  Find your Passion.  Choose your dream.

There are so many considerations in choosing a course, but you should always start with your dream.  What do you really want to do?  What do you want to become?

The thing is, at 16, students rarely know what to do with their life.  Sometimes they do, but they are not really sure.  It's okay.  Work with what you feel and think you want to do at this time.  Life is a journey.  You can always change goals when you become sure.

2.  Choose the school that will give you the best education in your chosen passion or dream.

Start researching about the school's achievement in the degree program or field you chose.  Who are their alumni? What are their success stories? Who are their faculty?

At the time I chose U.P., I knew that they had stellar alumni like Loren Legarda, Ogie Alcasid, and Che Che Lazaro taught in the Broadcasting Department.  

3.  Choose the school that would give you the best college experience.  

When I was still undergoing the process of choosing the school to study in, I observed the students and how they behaved.  I admit, at that time I was biased against ADMU.  Their students had cars, were trendy and wore signature clothes.  The students were in our colloquial terms at that time "cono kids".  I really felt I would find it difficult to fit in.  DLSU on the other hand felt more down to earth.  

Now, U.P. felt more liberating.  There was a wider array of groups of students that thrived.  There were cono kids and squatter kids and middle class kids.  It was not difficult to fit in.  You will always find a group that will accept your individuality, your quirks and idiosyncracies.  You will be allowed by your friends to think deeply and well, without anyone thinking that you are weird.  In fact, you might even feel that they are weird for accepting your weirdness.

Now, ask yourself, is the school that you choose allow you certain basic freedoms like having a cellphone?  Express yourself by allowing a wash day where you can wear whatever you want as long as it is within school regulations?  (Of course there should be regulations... Imagine if students can come to school wearing bikinis... Lolz!). Does the faculty allow students to express themselves in dialogues and in the classrooms?  What activities does the school have to encourage individual growth and independence?

4. Lastly... The Realities

After having outlined #s 1-3, the sad part is that nowadays there are realities that one has to contend with, starting with... can my family afford to send me to college?  If they do, can they afford to send me to the course I chose?

Now, don't despair because there is always a way.  Scholarships abound.  So much too choose, you only have to submit requirements.  Also, the better ones require good grades in high school so you should have prepared since your freshman year in high school knowing that your family might have difficulty in sending you to college.  There is always a way.  The important thing is your dedication to get an education.

Sometimes the reality is that you cannot afford to go somewhere else for your college education.  There are so many local colleges and universities who can offer quality education at half the price of a Manila education.  And most companies nowadays don't mind accepting job applicants from provincial schools.  Locally, of course you have UNEP :-), USI, ADNU, B.U., DWCL, AUL, CBSUA, CSSAC... So many to choose from, offering programs as good, if not better than NCR Schools.  The key is to be open to all possibilities.  Don't close the door for other eventualities.

5.  At the end of the day, Follow Your Heart.

Yup, at the end of the day, it is what you want that will prevail.  You always have a choice.  There are no NOs in life, only WAIT.  Take it from me.  I have seen so many success stories of students who walk to school so they can have money for snacks.  Beyond the neatly pressed uniforms are sacrifices that students make to be able to finish a college education.  I know of a gay friend in U.P. who was orphaned right before college and he was able finish school by winning gay beauty contests, going as far north as Ilocos and as far south as Leyte just to be able to use his winnings for school expenses.  Talking of tyaga!

Really... What you will be will only be determined by your own commitment to your success.

In Closing

So, in choosing a school, choose well so that you don't waste your youth.  Remember time is an unrenewable resource. Do not waste it.  It will save you a lot of money too.

I hope I was able to help all those having difficulty to choose.  Please don't hesitate to comment if you have any opinion regarding my post.

Thank you for spending time in reading this lengthy article.

Until the next post,

Peachy