TURNING 33

This post was written last June 21, 2009.

Tomorrow, June 22, 2009, I will be turning 33 years old.

I had always dreaded this age.

I was always told that great men and women die at 33 years old.
Alexander the Great died at 33 after conquering the world.
Jesus Christ died at 33 after preaching the Gospel.

I am 33.

I am not afraid of death. I think I am prepared for it.

What I am afraid of is dying when I have not accomplished anything yet.

A long stay in Manila made me think about my life and I decided to make an inventory of everything that I have done in my 33 years of living, but that was difficult.

How can I define my achievements as my own?

I decided instead to just take stock of what I have learned in my 33 years of life.

1. In whatever you do, always ask for God’s guidance. I have never achieved anything without approval from above. Everything I have, I asked first from God through prayers. Sometimes I am confident, sometimes not… but what is important is that as you pray you also work for the fulfilment of your requests.

2. In everything you do, there is no substitute for great preparation. May it be as simple as brushing your teeth or as difficult as taking the Bar Exams for Lawyers. It always pays to have prepared for anything you do. Remember what they said about luck… luck is nothing but the meeting of good preparation with great opportunity.

3. It is always important to have a vision. Having a vision will enable you to be grounded and focused on your daily tasks and makes you do it properly and excellently. People who have no vision and therefore no focus tend to be more “kalat” in their thinking. I am not an organized person. But, in my few accomplishments in life, I have learned that having a vision of your end goal is a big key to success. And I do mean vision, imagine yourself in the ideal situation that you want.

For example, when I took the Bar, I imagined myself during the first Sunday of the Bar. I do not want to be nervous, so I knew I had to study well. I did not want small irritants like health concerns to bug me so I prepared my Backpack for D-Day to include every conceivable solution for any mishap (vomiting, headache, tummy ache, hunger, period, etc…) That is why I had such a big backpack on the day of the exam, as if I was going to climb Mt. Everest.

The same thing happened when I got pregnant. I played the day that I will give birth, a thousand times in my mind thinking about what I need, who I need to call, what to do, etc… I was able to give birth with the least of worries. I was previously so afraid to give birth, but thinking about it in my mind helped to psyche myself for the Big Day.

4. Always, always be humble. It pays to remember that you are but an actor in this play called life. Do not assume that the world revolves around you. It is wrong… wrong… wrong… Even if it seems true or you feel that it is true. Don’t believe it. People around you have lives of their own, families of their own, their own dreams to fulfil. You are not the messiah. Even if you helped every person in the world, it does not make them less of a person than you are that enables you to control them. They are people in their own right.

5. Be grateful. It always helps to thank people who helped you in your everyday life. If you are grateful, you also become humble. However, if you helped people, don’t expect them to give back. If they do, then thank them, if not, just let it go. They have no responsibility to give back especially if the help they received was voluntary. Just let it go. It is okay for other people to be ungrateful, as long as it is not you. Kaya kung hindi naman bukal sa loob mong tumulong, huwag ka na tumulong, sasama lang ang loob mo kung di man lang nagpasalamat ang tinulungan mo. If you want to help, just help.

6. Respect other people. When you respect other people, you become more emphathetic, more humane and become more caring and compassionate. When you respect them, they will respect you also. I do not only mean respecting your parents, or your boss. I mean respecting their things, privacy, their space, especially their lives. If you respect other people, they will leave you alone. Remember, respect is the key to tolerance and tolerance begets peace.

7. When you arrive at problems, always think… is this really my problem or someone elses? If it is someone else’s, you are not compelled to solve it. Sometimes, people have the tendency to displace their problems and limitations on other people and it becomes our own. It burdens us and makes us less of who we are. I am an eldest daughter. I went through life always thinking about my brothers, my family and all their concerns. So Filipino! But, then, I realized, are my concern about them really “my concerns” or am I just treating my whole family like a baby and making them dependent upon me? I realized, I had to start teaching my siblings to decide on their own and not make them so dependent on me. I realized I had to teach them to solve their own problems. In Filipino: “Huwag mo problemahin ang hindi mo naman problema.”

8. The last one that I always practice daily without fail is: if it doesn’t kill you, just let it slide. As we go along our daily lives, people will hurt us and make us feel lesser than who we are. Other people react to these irritants, but for me, as long as it does not create damage that will kill me, my family or my reputation, I just let it go. If it is constructive, I welcome it, but if purely designed to destroy my work and my reputation, I just let it be. I am confident in my work. I let it speak for me. If some people would decide to malign me, then go ahead. My next successful work will speak for me. This gives me peace of mind and allows me to focus on my work and being in the service of my fellowmen. I will always remember a saying I once read somewhere, “if people speak ill of you, then live in a manner that no one will believe them.”

So far, that’s it. Eight important lessons. Actually, I would suggest you also listen to “Sunscreen” by Baz Luhrmann. When my husband and I first heard it during the late 90s and early 2000s, we tried to follow every advice. It was really a treasure. I hope you do listen to it. Just google it.

In about 36 minutes, I will turn 33 years old. Happy. Contented. Living the life I wanted. And I only have God to thank for this meaningful life.

Thank you.