Eraserheads

(I was going to post this last August 29. But, as luck would have it, my wifi at home is going bonkers again. I am posting this anyway just to get some thoughts out there.)

It is the 29th of August. Friday. I really feel a little depressed.

Tomorrow is the 30th of August. Saturday. I would rather be somewhere else but here. And, this is one of those moments in life where you feel your age, your responsibilities, your maturities…

Tomorrow is the Eraserheads Reunion Concert.

My husband said, “I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me. I was never the banda-banda type.” I felt sadder.

Excitement Raises
My brother once told me, I think about a month ago, that the Eraserheads are going to have a reunion concert. Honestly, I did not think much of it because I thought “imposible”. This rumor has been on the mill for a long time now and it has never come to fruition. What could be different now?

Apparently, it seems, some people felt that this was such a good idea that they were paid, reportedly, a couple of million pesos each just to have that reunion concert. Anyway, what followed was a roller coaster ride of excitement and disappointment as Philip Morris, the initial promoters and sponsors of the concert took the heat from anti-smoking lobbyists which later ended in finally having them drop this event like a hot potato.

In the midst of all these, I have been planning on how I can go about going to Manila to watch the concert. I knew I was going to have some issues about this since I am pregnant and my husband has been very paranoid about letting me travel. So, as news of the concert went from “tuloy” to “di-tuloy” and to “tuloy” again, so with my plans of going to Manila for the end of August weekend.

Finally Pushing Trough
Last Wednesday, I learned that the concert is finally pushing through from TV news. I was soooo glad. The thing is, I knew I had to finalize my plans. I told my husband, but his reply to me is that quote I mentioned above. I felt sick. It seems I really won’t have a chance.

Then, I surfed the net for details. The ticket prices did not bother me.(di naman ako mayabang -- medyo desperate lang manood -- hehehe) What hit me though is the fact that the concert is going to be at The Fort in Taguig. It was going to be standing room only, whether you choose the VIP area or the back area.

That just won’t work. I am 25 weeks pregnant and I can’t stand for long periods of time. Of course, I can bring my own seat or something, or make the concert into some kind of picnic by putting a blanket and bring food, but I am nervous of the crowds. I thought, I just cannot go to that kind of risk. It’s my first baby… you know the drill…

Eraserheads and Me
A lot of people do not understand my relationship with the Eraserheads. I was still a journalism student in UP Diliman, when these four simple, matter-of-fact, down-to-earth guys started singing gigs in UP, Mayrics and Club Dredd. I love their songs. It seemed to articulate all my feelings as a student, a young adult and as a person looking for my place in a bigger world. Their songs were part of the soundtrack that encapsulated that part of my life.

My college barkada was also forged somehow by our love for Eraserheads. Somehow, Eheads was something common among our generation. I am expecting that most of them would be watching or be in the vicinity anyway to at least be part of this momentous event. It is once in a lifetime. We do not know when it will happen again.

I still have all their tapes. I did not have a cd player then. Besides, I could not afford it yet at that time. I still play their tapes until now, especially during blue days. It always calms me and makes me feel that everything would be okay.

What I loved most about Eheads, is that they were never pretentious. They sang about their experiences and talks about it like it is – funny, insightful, emotional, personal. They never pretended to be anything else, although some would say that fame somehow changed them and led them to eventually mature and go their own way. I say, that the change would be inevitable because as they sang and explored their experiences, they grew up and found out that they can be better artists if they go their own way – maybe, finding that their Eheads experience is too stifling and does not encourage them to fly.

I can relate to that. It is true that we do have our own groups or barkadas in college, but as we mature, we find other groups that make us grow and encourage us to fly. Our college friends are still there and we do come back and see them once in a while but more that anything to touch base and make sure that we stay in touch with our purity or at least be reminded of it.

I have always felt that Eraserheads are activists, but unlike the civil society kind, they raved and ranted about the experience of the youth rather than rant about the government. They talked about the self and its relationship with other individuals, barkadas, family but not so much about a bigger society. They are activists because they articulated much of the angst and experiences of the youth which otherwise would not have been heard. They were the mouthpiece of a generation that felt that the way they can be of service to society is to first find peace with themselves and make sense of their confusing experiences.

SO…
Eraserheads always had a philosophical significance in my life. More than just being a band that made me feel better and forget it all, they made me feel that I am not alone in my experiences as a young adult. So I do feel bad about not being able to watch the concert. It is like a case of “water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink”, coz, I can watch if I truly want to but I have to consider many things before going.

I also have so many realizations that hit me, the significance of which has changed my view of myself. The most significant of my realizations is that I am indeed an adult. I can no longer say that, yes, I am pregnant, but after this I will be out there again having fun the same way I did when I was not yet pregnant. Drinking beer, smoking, jamming with my “banda” friends. This makes me wonder, will I still be able to jam and sing those three songs on stage, ala avril lavigne or more like nanette inventor (hehehe) as my brother used to tease me with? I don't know. I do know that I have to somehow prepare myself to say goodbye to that lifestyle. I have to think about this little life inside of me rather than think of myself all the time.

I should stop thinking that I would be back in circulation after giving birth. Yes, I may still do it, but little baby will have to take priority. I really can’t believe it. I have changed and frankly, I don’t mind.

Now, all said… do I still feel bad not watching the Eraserheads concert? Well, yes, but I can bear it because the reasons that I am not going is worth it.