OF WHISTLING, CAT CALLING AND OTHER STRANGE THINGS

After the elections, in between going back to the familiar and putting things in order, I spent my time president-elect watching through the various mediums available to me. 

I did not vote for President-Elect Rodrigo Duterte.  If I did not run for office, I might have because I had been supportive of Federalism since I was in college.  But, facts are facts and I won’t be hypocritical just to be with the sixteen million plus souls who voted for him.  I did not vote for Rody Duterte.

It was of course disappointing that my president did not win.  I did not win.  But the world does not end.  You take stock.  Reflect on your learnings.  Pick up what is left after the dust settles and move on and part of that activity is president-elect watching.

I started reading about him and I admit I liked what I read.  He is unconventional but he gets the job done.  I thought, there is hope.  I guess, the 16 million is correct all along.  The country needs someone like him.

 

Then, he did an act that is so typical Filipino male.  During a press conference, he whistled, nay, catcalled a pretty GMA 7 Reporter, made snide comments that were quickly judged as sexist, and even sang to her much to the amusement of those who were present.  Amused.  Yup, that seems to be the reaction of those who witnessed it.  I say amused because most of the people there laughed. 

I should be outraged.  But, I wasn’t.

MAYBE IT’S JUST ME

Just a little background about me.

I grew up the eldest of a brood of six, four of which are males.  Our household, when we were still living with my grandparents, had more males than females, all of which had their own brand of the domineering alpha male psyche.  

The females though were strong-willed.  We had to be.  If we were not, we will disappear like wall flowers in a household that were predominantly male.  I was taught at an early age, that because I was female, I had to work doubly hard, excel in school, do very well socially, and always, always, speak my mind.

As I was growing up, I found myself being more comfortable with my male friends than with my female friends and the circles I found myself in became more predominantly male.  For a long time, I had been the only female in our Rotary Club.  My profession is also dominated by the male specie.  Even the Boards that I find myself being a member in turn out to be more men than women.

These circumstances would often lead to situations where I receive sexist remarks.  There was this one time when I was pregnant with my second son and as I was leaving the already concluded Board Meeting, a male Director commented “So, is you vagina all red and inflamed?  Isn’t it that when pigs are pregnant their vagina becomes all red and swollen?”  He said it in the Rinconada dialect which made it all the more graphic. That guy is now on his second term as a city councilor.  I just answered “What kind of question is that?”  and left the premises.  I hated him.  I already hated him before the incident, but that incident as I was leaving obliterated whatever little respect I had for him.  I pity his wife.  I actually wanted to comment back, that maybe he doesn’t know because he was only able to get his wife pregnant once.  But, that would make me no better than he is, even bringing his wife into the exchange.  Not a good reply.

That is just one of the many sexist remarks I receive.  There are so many, especially in our Rotary Club, but I forgot it already.  Such is the world that women lives in.  And the strongest of us females learn to cope.  We build ourselves strong to such an extent that such comments or actuations will not break us.  We have to be so confident in our own skins that no amount of catcalling, sexist remarks or offensive actions will destroy the self that we have built.

OF SEXIST REMARKS

Any form of sexist remark that offends is wrong at any level.  It doesn’t matter if you are a construction worker, a BPO executive or the President of the Philippines, it is wrong.  In any context, in any situation, it is wrong.

But, there are women who welcome it.  I remember a friend in Manila who told me after getting catcalls from the construction workers that “Mare, ang haba ng hair ko kanina.  Dumaan ako diyan sa may ginagawang condominium sinipulan ako ng mga laborer at may sumigaw pa hinihingi cp number ko.”  My eyes were wide open in disbelief.  Not to the fact that there were men who wanted to get her number, but to her reaction.  It is a strange world.

I learned early on that since how the world treats women is not going to change in a day, it is now up to me how I will be able to deal with such kind of men.  I ignore them.  I ignore them with such indifference.  In any situation, it is always the female that is on the losing end.

I’ll give you an example.  During the campaign, I noticed and caught a member of the campaign team staring at me on several occasions.  I just ignored it, until one incident where in the guise of warding off the mob, he touched my waist.  I was uncomfortable.  I immediately moved away from him and did so for the entire time of the campaign.

I thought about what I should do.  Do I confront him and tell him do not touch me?  Do I tell the campaign manager to deal with it?  What should I do?

I decided to just let it go.  Ignore him and evade being near him.

But why?  You may ask.

First of all, I wasn’t sure that what he was doing had any color of malice.  What if he said that he was just doing his job?  What if he said that I was the one who’s mind was malicious, that he had no such intention on his part?  Now, that would put a lot of color to my reaction.  So, I just ignored it and went on with my life.

Such is the world we live in, I say.  When I was younger, when a guy would seem to be courting me, I categorically ask him if he is courting me.  It was better that things were clear.  I did not want to engage in behavior that would seem like I am giving him a chance when clearly I was only being nice.  You know what I mean?

NOW BACK TO DUTERTE

President-Elect Duterte crying by his mother's grave where he
lamented for his mother to help him.  At the end of the day,
even the strongest call for their Mama.

Nobody is perfect.  We cannot have our cake and eat it too.

We needed a leader with balls and we got it.  But what we want comes with all his flaws that he did not keep from us anyway. 

The thing is, he is who he is.  No apologies.  No compromises. 

Now, we should not condemn just because he is flawed.  As flawed as any one of us.  Just because he gives out sexist remarks does not make him a bad president.  Cut the guy some slack, will you.  We should not take the baby out with the bath water.  We are stuck with him as much as we are stuck with this society that looks at women as second class citizens of the world.  So, I say, we women should roll with the punches and the men who were offended should do so too.

The important thing is that he has all the makings of a guy who will do the job.  We need one with balls, I say again.  One who will not shirk from making tough decisions that should be made.  One who does not think about his reputation or his popularity after all is said and done.  One, who hopefully after his term ends would leave the Philippines a better country than when he first took his oath.

NOW WHAT SHOULD WE DO

Often, I would tell myself, that nationhood is not the role of any one president alone.  It is the work of an entire country.  You, me, everyone.  We should do our part in making our world a better place than when we first came here. 

Are you kind?  Do you help your brethren in any way you can?  Do you pay your taxes?  Do you beat the red light?  Are you so impatient that you are willing to pay a little more to the government clerk so you could get the job done right away?  Do you ask for money as padulas to make government transactions easier? 

If we don’t want a corrupt nation we should have an honest citizenry.  So, are you honest?

It is easy to rant about what is wrong with this nation, but when it asks just a little from you, you are the first one to leave. 

It is sad.

As for me, I am the mother of two boys.  I am starting now.  I am bringing them up to be respectful of women at least I am assured that the world is 2 boys less sexist than when I first came here.  

I tell you, if indeed CHANGE IS COMING, it should come from US.